Missing You

I miss you.

Whoever said it gets easier, lied.

Missing somebody, never gets easier, unless of course, you happen to reunite with them. 

But not being with someone you care about, is never easy.

Sure, there are days where you can bare it, where the pain doesn't get to you as deeply, when your mind doesn't feel like thinking, let alone feeling. 

These days happen, because you almost become use to the pain of it all. 

These days, you almost become numb, in a way. As numb as one can get while still caring.

But most days are hard. 

Especially the longer you go without the person.

You slowly forget what it felt like to have them hold you. 

You try harder each day to hold on to the vague memory of how they smell.

You can't seem to remember exactly how their heartbeat went. Was it two counts, or three?

And losing the things that use to be your only constant familiarity isn't the only hard part.

It's also the days where everything goes wrong.

You spill your morning coffee, your shirt fits funny, your hair won't stay in place, your too hot, or too cold.

These are the days where you know the only thing that will help you, is him.

He is the only thing that will make you forget that your shirt is stupid, and your hair is a mess, he would be there to warm you up, or cool you down.

And the most frustrating thing is, that you know he wants to be with you. 

He just can't right now.

It would almost be easier if he didn't want you, that way, you could hate them.

Things would be much easier if you could hate him.

But, you can't. He's done nothing wrong.

How irritating. 

This guy, you have lived without your entire life, until these past few years.

And then you meet, and he likes your leather jacket, he makes you a playlist you'll never forget, teaches you how to play poker, lays with you in bed while the blue grey morning arrives. 

And you're hooked.

Now, your life doesn't seem normal, when they aren't in it constantly. 

You don't feel normal, when they aren't in it.

Missing you hasn't gotten easier.

I constantly try to distract myself. 

Books, television, running, walks, nightly hikes, pictures, drawing, writing, music.

Anything to get my mind off of you. 

But no matter how good my day has gone, or how distracted my thoughts have been.

Once I shut off all the lights, lay in bed, and I am alone with my thoughts. 

And there you are again.

Racing through my mind.

Through fading memories, through our daily conversations, or lack there of.

You are there, racing, until I fall asleep.

Knowing I'll see you soon helps, though.

Even if it's only for a measly ten days.

Actually, it's one of the biggest reasons I get up in the morning.

One more day down, the closer I am to you.